if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
