Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
