my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
