okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
