I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
