honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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