Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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