I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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