i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
