i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
