I'm going to jail i love you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
