Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
