you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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