He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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