Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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