A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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