I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
