I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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