I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
