I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
