Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
