Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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