I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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