i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
