is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Can i not drive my cunt home
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
