dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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