I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my poor anus
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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