U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
