theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
