Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
