Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
