I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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