I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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