it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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