WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
