That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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