Just cropdusted the office
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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