I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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