Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
