saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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