NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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