My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
