Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
