Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
