While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
