Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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