haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
