Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
