we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
