Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize