turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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