Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
