She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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