Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
