dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
