we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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