It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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