No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
