Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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