let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
