If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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