I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize