There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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