Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
