You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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