she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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