we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
