I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
